


Lance's Notebook

by YinYangZodiac



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst and Feels, Hurt Keith (Voltron), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, Minor Violence, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 15:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10833666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YinYangZodiac/pseuds/YinYangZodiac
Summary: Lance keeps a notebook after Shiro's disappearance. These are some of the things he says.Space is quiet. Space is huge. Space is cold.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you are rereading this work, or reading it for the first time, I suggest you check out TasiWrites' work that is linked. It's a fantastic piece of work and I'm actually still in awe from reading it.

_This is angst and it has implied suicide. Please don't read if you're triggered by this!_

**Entry #1**  
So, I've been out here for a long time. Out in space, I mean.

We lost Shiro, he just vanished from the Black Lion and we don't know where he went. Everyone is really torn up about it. Keith and Allura thinks that he's dead. Pidge, Hunk and Coran think that Shiro was taken by the Galra again. Neither option is a happy one.

I'm scared.

 **Entry #3**  
It's been a few days(?) since my last entry.

Everything is worse. Allura, Keith and Pidge all think that Shiro is dead now. Coran and Hunk still say that he is a Galra prisoner. I hope that Shiro is alive and somewhere else. I hope he's happy.

The team keeps fighting now. Shiro, we need you.

 **Entry #10**  
Hunk broke down into tears today.

Everyone else all believe that Shiro is dead. Hunk was making food and brust into tears. He yelled about Shiro being dead. He said that everything is over. Voltron is dead along with Shiro.

Shiro, please, I need you.

 **Entry #24**  
Keith hit me today.

We were at another space mall, everyone else was looking for another person to pilot Black. I told them that we should be looking for Shiro. Keith didn't like that. He slapped me, so hard that my ear started to ring from the offset impact. I cried and everyone else just stared at me.

Shiro, you're out there. Right?

 **Entry #37**  
I got cut today.

I didn't mean to. Keith has been making us practice without our suits on. He says it's to make us train harder, be stronger. Be prepared for anything. And he swung at me with his bayard. He nicked my arm and it was bleeding a bit. Keith didn't apologize, he just used me as an example again. He pushed his thumb into the cut before letting Hunk and Coran take me to a cryopod to heal.

I guess I should give up on you Shiro. You've clearly given up on us.

 **Entry #69**  
We found Shiro!

We found Shiro on a planet. He is alive and back and I'm so happy. But Shiro didn't notice me. He congratulated everyone on doing so well. And then he apologized for my death. Pidge had laughed and jokingly told him that she wished that she could take that apology. But she couldn't because I was still alive. Shiro laughed, everyone laughed.

Was it really a joke?

 **Entry #99**  
Shiro hit me this time.

I was just goofing off, Keith was laughing at my jokes at dinner. But I made a joke about being the head of Voltron someday. Shiro slapped the opposite cheek that Keith hit a while ago. He used his Glara arm too, bruised my jaw. He glared at me and ground out, 'no clown can be a leader'.

I'm a clown to you, Shiro?

 **Entry #106**  
I can't go on.

Hunk, Hunk was the one that hit me today. He hit me while we were training and broke a few of my teeth. Roared about how unimportant I was to the team. Told me that I was just making a mess of everything. Everyone else stared again, and then agreed with Hunk.

So, I'm useless. I'll make sure you never waste anything on me anymore. I'm sorry.

Tell my family that I loved them. Tell them how worthless I was saving their galaxy. Please keep them alive, Voltron.

 **Entry #107**  
Space is cold.


	2. Keith's Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. I've actually had this written since a few days after I originally wrote Lance's Notebook. I just forgot about it (can you blame me? This is horrible) until just now.

Keith had been the first one to find Lance and his notebook.

Keith had been the one who found Lance curled up in his room's bathroom. Keith has been the one to feel Lance's icy skin, see his dull eyes.

He had been the one to find the notebook, open to the first page with red splattered over the white pages.

Keith vaguely remembered hearing himself screaming. Calling out for everyone else as he tried to find a pulse in Lance. Blurrily remembered the sticky feeling the red had left on his fingertips. Keith had decided, after they froze Lance in a cryopod to preserve his body, that red wasn't Lance's color.

Red was his color. Red was the color for a murderer.

Keith's hands trembled as he flipped the page's of Lance's notebook. Eyes unfocusing every other minute when he saw a large splotch of red. His stomach churned more with each entry he read.

_Keith hit me today. I got cut today. Shiro hit me this time. I can't go on. Space is cold._

'Lance too, now.' Keith mused to himself bitterly. He threw the notebook after a long pause. Cold. Cold. Cold.

Coldcoldcoldcoldcoldcold.

COLD.

Keith made Lance cold. The team made Lance cold. Lance was freezing, inside and out. Lance was froze, because of Keith. Because of the team. Because of pain. Pain that the team gave to him.

Keith leapt from his bed and punched the wall. He felt his knuckles hit the wall, heard the sickening cracking noise. He hazily smiled, taking the pain like it was nothing. His physical pain wouldn't ever muster up to the mental and emotional pain Lance had felt.

Keith took that in stride as he snatched up the notebook once more. He marched from his room, searching for Allura. He wouldn't be the only one to pay for Lance's turmoil. They were all at fault.

Keith didn't want to die. No, that'd be too easy. He was angry, at himself. At his team.

He wasn't angry at Lance.

He would make sure the whole team payed. He was sorry, they'd be sorry. Keith would make sure everyone felt Lance's anguish. No healing.

None.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I didn't even get to say goodbye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12570720) by [tasibi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasibi/pseuds/tasibi)




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